Second Day . . . What's the verdict?

Better.

Much better.

Still exhausting. But much better.

Even more exciting than that, we don't have kids again until Friday. We have professional development tomorrow and Thursday. So that's two days to regroup, and then after a short Friday, a whole weekend. I can handle that.

Oy.

"Oy" would some up my day today.

I can do the long hours. I can do teaching 5th graders. I could teach any subject and be okay. What I am not so sure I can do is manage 45 5th graders by myself in one room . . . and get anything done. Even the best kids are rambunctious in a set of 45. FORTY-FREAKING-FIVE!!! That is almost double what I had last year. No wonder my blood pressure was through the roof today.

In five years of first school days as a teacher, today was the worst. But I only NEARLY cried. I did all the right things. I was firm and consistent. They were still rowdy - or maybe they weren't . . . because when 45 kids are even whispering, it sounds like a roar.

After questioning why did I give up my cushy public school teaching job for this, I still know the answer . . . for now (::weak laughter::). I still have confidence that I CAN, in fact, do this. I can keep my cool and be okay. I can call every single parent everyday if I have to. I can.

Here is tomorrow's plan - be a raging hag. Haha, kind of. They walk in - neverending, like painted faces out of a clown car - I lay down the law, and the first person that breaks the law gets the consequence. Hopefully, a few examples will motivate the rest to be in control. And if not, then hopefully a ton of examples will motivate the rest to be in control. What breaks my heart is, I know I'm going to have a ton of examples before they start changing their habits (like blurting out things without waiting to be called on . . . sounds like no biggie, but once again FORTY-FIVE!). I'll keep you updated. You keep me in your prayers!

how soon we forget . . .

This has been a long and cherished summer for me. My first summer with my daughter. It has felt like ages, in a good way. Even though I have spent the past two weeks thinking nonstop about getting ready for school, I can't believe it is starting. My muscles can't believe I'm moving nonstop instead of sitting in the floor with Davie. I have the first of the year lower body ache - from my toes to my thighs. They are moaning, "Why? Why are you moving so much and so fast?"

My classroom went from a forgotten empty depressing little room at the end of the hall, to a cheerful colorful organized classroom that my co-workers visit just to visit (the company's not bad either if I do say so myself). I will post before and after pictures soon. I hope the kids love it. And I hope it helps tell them about me - that I am committed to this school, I have invested and will invest in them.

I kind of feel like a first year teacher all over again. I don't really know what to expect, and what is expected of me. My position is kind of vague - could be summed up as "do what needs to be done". So far this means MATH. Because the 5th graders coming in will be very behind in math. But if somewhere down the line, they are doing better in math, I may bust out some Science and Social Studies. I will for sure be covering Test Prep for the end of the year. So although it is much less pressure than many positions - I don't feel prepared at all. And I ADORE feeling prepared.

Pray for me and my co-workers and my future students on Thursday. We are doing this crazy thing called a KIPP school!

All this from one trip!?

I got back from my trip in one piece . . . one very excited-to-see-my-family piece. I got Davie out of the car and carried her in to the baggage claim to wait for my bag. When we got back to the car and I was putting her in her seat, she flipped out! I got in beside her and she grabbed my shirt by the neck with both hands, and did not let go for the first 7 minutes of the ride home. "Don't ever - EVER leave me again!" her eyes said staring into mine. And I don't plan to. This one trip has turned my once independent, outgoing, happy-go-lucky girl into a clingy momma's girl. These days she does not let me out of her sight. Don't get me wrong - I'm flattered and all . . . I'm just not used to her crying when I leave the room.

In other news, my classroom is shaping up nicely. I'll post pictures when I'm done.

In even more news, I stubbed my toe to KINGDOM COME. I won't be surprised if there is some internal damage.

Oh yeah, and I dyed my hair dark brown.

the sadness sets in

Tomorrow morning I leave for Orlando for 5 days. I have known this was coming for awhile now. But this morning it really set in . . . and I am sad. VERY sad. Cry when I think about it sad. I think it makes it worse that Davie has a cold all of a sudden.

Yesterday she wasn't quite herself and her nose was just running like a faucet. During the night she would wake up, but since she couldn't breathe well through her nose, the pacifier wasn't a good option (and it's usually the only option)! As I rocked her last night, I was sad that I would miss opportunities to soothe and comfort her in the coming week.

This morning we ran a few errands and the poor dear kept falling asleep in the car right before I'd have to get her out. As I carried her across the WalMart parking lot, I started crying just thinking about being away from her for so long! I expected to miss her. I expected to ache to hold her. I didn't expect to not be in control of my tears. I hope I'm not a big bag of waterworks all week. Lisa may be putting in a request for a new roommate.