Finding Relief

After 3 weeks of weird symptoms, I am almost back to baseline.

To sum up, I've been dealing with decreased appetite, significant weight loss, terrible sleep, dry heaving/vomiting, feeling like there is a lump in my throat that won't go away, and just generalized weakness. At the beginning, I thought this was all just anxiety. It's not my normal anxiety, but I thought maybe I just really did myself in this time.

However, I did some digging and went to my doctor with reflux as a possible idea. He put me on prescription-strength Prilosec and said to try it for a week and see what happens. I've still got the occasional lump in the throat feelings, which may be just inflammation/damage from the recent acid. I'm also still having to take something extra for sleep, but hopefully not for long.

I have the option of going ahead and seeing a specialist to see if I need my esophagus dilated (ugh). But we'll just wait and see if that needs to happen.

I've had the past week off with the original plan to go to Nashville for a songwriter's seminar. But I just didn't feel good about going - even though at the time we thought we had all our business together. It turns out just before my week off, our renter backed out of moving into our rental house and I started to feel really weird/ill.

I am very grateful that I listened to myself and stayed here. I am very grateful that I am starting to feel better, and that I had some time off to just not work.

Now I need to re-prioritize some things and figure out how to try to decrease stress and increase some rest and relaxation in my daily life.

before the (porcelain) throne

I really want to be able to put a positive spin on this post, but I'm just not sure I can do that honestly. It's been a weird couple of weeks. Even since my last post - it's gotten weirder. I've been waking up consistently between 2-5am every night (Ambien or no Ambien). I started dry heaving every morning for a week, which just within the last 3 days turned into vomiting. I've still had almost no appetite, and have probably lost close to 10 pounds (not a good thing for me).

I thought that this might be side effects from the Cymbalta I started last week, but I've been off of it for 4-5 days. Maybe it is just plain ole anxiety - these things aren't unheard of. But I got my hopes up last night thinking it was GERD or something involving acid reflux. It fit perfectly. Decreased appetite and weight loss - check. Fullness in the throat - check. Vomiting on an empty stomach without nausea - check. So last night I ate some cereal before bed, tried to sleep at a 45 degree angle all night, and took a Zantac before bed. But I woke up at 2am - vomited. Woke up at 6am - vomited. Woke up at 9am - vomited. WHAT IS UP?! I guess it could still be GERD, or a combination of GERD and anxiety - who knows. One thing I know is that I'm not pregnant.

I have some time off this week, and there are many things I should be working on - but I'm SO tired. I just want this figured out. I feel extremely guilty for being so useless for so long. My husband is having to pick up some major slack. My daughter is probably wondering why I'm no fun.

I guess the silver lining is I hardly have time or energy to be anxious.

I have still found comfort in God and for that I am extremely grateful.