The Horseshoe Curse of the Baby

This weekend we thought it would be fun to go to a favorite spot of ours in Arkansas called Horseshoe Canyon Ranch.  It's got great cabins, climbing, and hiking.  Very family-friendly.  We were meeting up with some friends for Easter weekend.  

I'm beginning to think Horseshoe doesn't like my child though.  Last time we were there, Davie was 4 months old.  This was the time that creepy man kept coming into our cabin and made me think he was going to stab us or steal us.  This time around Davie got her first stomach virus.  

She started throwing up in the car on the way there.  We had hoped she was just car sick though.  But no, she would throw up every few hours, and she also had diarrhea and a fever.  But the girl is a trooper.  In between her little bouts, she would smile this sad little grin.  We called the doctor early Saturday morning and got some tips.  It was still a rough day and night and another day and still is a little rough.  Steven was of course amazingly helpful and willing to do whatever needed to happen.  

I was GLUED to this child all weekend.  I could not help myself.  Even when Steven would tell me he wanted to take the next shift, or watch her while I went outside for awhile, I couldn't detach myself.  Last night I hardly slept, even when she did, I would stare through the mesh on her playpen to make sure she was alright.  I was attached to that child the moment I knew she existed.  They say fathers become fathers when the baby is here, mothers become mothers when they find out they are pregnant.  Of course, I have grown more and more attached to Davie as I learn more about her.  I cannot explain a mother's fierceness for her child.  (I'm not discriminating against fathers or anything, just speaking from my own experience.)  

This is what gives me hope in a good God - God is a mother, a father, a parent.  I believe that God wants good things so FIERCELY for his child, and perhaps like us, sometimes CANNOT make those things happen (yes I know that in Oklahoma I could get strung up for this statement) . . . but can just hold us through them, letting us puke all over his shoulders, and he still holds us tighter until we are calm.  What if he cries as he is holding us as we cry, wishing with everything in him that he could just wipe away the hurt?  What if he feels helpless?  I don't know a lot of theology.  But I would rather believe in goodness than power . . . maybe because those kinds of humans are the best ones I know.  Maybe because that's the type of mother I try to be, and want a Parent who is the same way.   

Just some thoughts today.

Career Predicament

I'm in a predicament.  I am not so sure what to pursue for next year.  This year I am teaching 4th grade math (6 classes per day).  I grade 120+ papers almost every day (usually night).  If I had to check in and check out, I would probably log 12 hours a day.  This was un-fun as a non-mother . . . but it is nearly undoable as a mother.  

The position I am on schedule for next fall is 1/2 day PreK teacher (WHAT?!) and 1/2 day Title I Math tutor.  I was excited about this because it would mean not having to take my work home with me in the evening.  However, the more I think about it, the more panic it brings on.  I'm not a PreK teacher.  I'm not even a 4th grade teacher.  Three years ago, I realized high school is the one for me.  Ever since then, one thing or another has kept me from teaching high school.  But I've always thought I'd eventually go back.  

Now, I am at a crossroads.  Do I take the job that may or may not allow me to spend more time with my family, or do I pursue the career that I want and make it work?  

Found: One Maid & One Father's Day Out

Thank you guys for your input on the childcare situation!  I will look into First Southern.  I did find an opening at Bethany First Church of the Nazarene for April and May.  Hallelu!  They do Wednesdays and Fridays, 9:30 - 3:00, and it's $15 a day.  Not bad!  Those are also great days for Steven to be free.  He teaches Wednesday nights, and usually is getting ready for a trip on Fridays.  

We are also going to pay his sister (who lives across the street) to clean our house once or twice a week.  Phew!  She is all things domestic, so I feel safe with our house is in her hands.  

I don't think Steven likes the fact that we are outsourcing things that "we should be doing", but yikes!  If we need some temporary help to get stress levels down, then I'm all about it.  No shame!  

Needed: One Maid & One Father's Day Out Program

It has happened.  Steven and I have had it up to here (I'm holding my arm way up in the air) with the things at the bottom of our lists waiting and waiting to be checked off.  Poor Steven.  He has to work from home during the day, which equals not doing anything at all.  He doesn't even have an office here.  He has a desk - which is the catch-all-clutter table -  in the middle of the house.  Obviously, he doesn't use it.  I'm sure as soon as he sits down to right an e-mail to a client, Davie lets him know she's still around. 

Today we talked about our options.  We can no longer rely solely on family members to watch Davie every once in awhile.  So many times something happens, like an illness or something, where plans fall through.  We have decided to hire someone to clean our house twice a week.  A good cleaning to make us all feel better about life.  We've also decided to start looking for a good Mother's Day Out program at a nearby church.  We may not be able to get into that until August of this year though.  Anyone know of any programs around South OKC?  I was looking into Bethany First Church of the Nazarene (I have a friend who is a youth minister there).  

Davie the She-Devil

Yowza!  What is up with my child?!  In two days, she went from being happy, go-lucky, Miss Independent (even though she had a diaper rash) to being Miss Don't Even Look Away From Me Or I'll Sob With Real Tears.  

The worst is not having any idea what is causing this.  It could be any number of things.  She could be sick, or her diaper rash is bothering her, or she is teething, or she's growing, or her temperament is just changing.  No clue.  OR she could be really hungry, or really tired, and I'm not getting to these needs quickly enough.  

I'm going to try to get Steven to journal (God help us) how she does during the day (and also make sure she is sticking to somewhat of a routine.  

Diaper Rash Update

I cried today.  Just a couple of tears shed . . . for my child's bottom.  She was just so upset, and I changed her diaper and saw the horror of her little sores and then we were both crying.  

Here's the thing.  This little angel has never had diaper rash.  Not once since she was born until this last week.  I envisioned diaper rash to look like a rash, not the holocaust on skin.  Okay, I'm probably exaggerating, but it's really bad and blistery.  I called the doctor yesterday and the nurse said to put her in some warm water (only) for 10-15 minutes and let her play around, and then take her out and use a warm hair dryer for a bit, and then use some neosporin or A&D.  I don't know how long it's supposed to take to get better though.

I did use some Lotrimin (like my sister did with her child), but the next diaper some of her bumps turned white and I didn't know if that was good or bad, but it was scary so I didn't use it again.  

She is so sad.

Diaper Rash

I have absolutely adored being on break.  I'm past the halfway point now though, and I'm dreading going back.  I have had so much fun with Davie.  The only thing that would've made this time better is if Steven wasn't gone for so long.  

Question:  Davie has her first REALLY bad diaper rash.  Probably from new fruits in her diet.  Butt Paste ain't doin' squat.  Anyone have any new ideas?