Our day thus far . . .

Woke up around 8am. Steven left for work. Around 10 I was nodding off in the chair (should have been studying) while Davie played in the floor. I snuck off to my bed around 11 just to "rest my eyes" for a minute. She found me. I knew she would. Every once in awhile I would put some blocks together, or push a button, or whatever she brought me, and then "rest my eyes" for a little more. Finally at 11:30 I put Davie down for a nap. Then I put myself down for a nap. We woke up at 1:30 and I felt worse than ever. My throat was so swollen shut that I was setting off my own gag reflux.

I sent Steven a text message begging for him to get off work early.

Davie was unsatisfiable for a little while. I didn't know what she wanted. I don't think she knew either. To make matters worse, our XBOX is broken and so I can't even play her favorite DVD for 30 minutes to lift her spirits. Luckily while I was scrolling through my TV Guide app, and saw Thomas the Train comes on OETA. Davie is satisfied sitting beside me watching Thomas and Curious George, and I am fine with that for now. Maybe I'll try that studying thing again.

Pause button?!

I'm sick. I need a pause button for each individual project that I have undertaken . . . some are easier than others. Like it is TOTALLY easy to pause the new workout routine I started a couple of weeks ago. No problem. Un-pausing may be a little more difficult. However, it's not so easy to pause grad school. I have my first grad school test coming up on Thursday. Have I studied? No. I would also like a pause button on motherhood. Right now I don't exactly have childcare lined out for a sudden day off.

My throat has hurt for a few days now, but the night before last when I was staying with my grandma I was up all night vomiting, going back and forth between chills and fever, and only sleeping in 15 minute increments. Misery. Last night though I slept GREAT! Steven came in around midnight and woke me up saying I was soaking wet and hot. I guess my fever was breaking. This morning my throat feels like it has a 1 mm opening, but hopefully the fever and stomach stuff is behind me. I got stuff to do!

DAVIE UPDATE: She is dainty and soft all the time . . . except when she really laughs. Then it's like a teeny tiny Julia Roberts hee-hawing all over the place. She does this new thing that my sister affectionately calls her "troll teeth". While she is laughing, she keeps her mouth open, scrunches her nose, and gnashes her teeth together. Hard to explain, but I'll try to catch it on video sometime soon if I ever clear out my camera again.

Old dog. New tricks.

I am really wishing that I was artistically gifted - like real live art. If only!!! I have these ideas in my head that I wish I could paint or create on a canvas, but I don't think it would turn out the way I see it. Stick figures sometimes don't evoke enough emotion.

Mainly I have this idea to turn some of my favorite dreams into art. My sister and I have joked about starting a blog out of my dreams, and she would interpret them.

I have the most amazing dreams! Like they are one of the biggest motivations for me going to sleep. I look forward to them, like I look forward to a good TV show. They are exciting and colorful and random and silly, and if I could have them displayed on my walls, I would live happily ever after.

I'm thinking the best way to go about this is to look into mixed media - I think mixed media art is definitely dream-like. Plus I could get around not being able to draw a darn thing . . . maybe.

If I could just get my hair done . . .

I don't feel my best. I'm happy, but I can't get out of my head lately. I feel stuck, in limbo. It's like I can see all these things that could happen to make my life better, but I'm not really in charge of any of those things.

I used to dive into changes like my hair was on fire, driven by excitement and the desire to be better. I also happened to not see through very many of those changes, but at least I tried. Now I feel afraid, not of the changes, but of other people's views of me. What if I don't follow through? Will people think I'm a flake? Or will they see it as endearing? Why do I seem to like myself more than other people like me? Why do I have more grace with myself than other people do with me?

I really want to try things - for fun, not with this pressure of everyone watching and waiting to see what happens. I want to take a tap class (even if I quit after a couple of classes). I want to read How-To books (even if I don't do the things they teach me). There are things that is important to see through to the end: school, marriage, parenting, SOME job commitments, etc. But I feel like the fun of life is being sucked out of me. This is especially shattering because that used to be what I was known for - having fun.

I'm hoping that I am feeling this way because I haven't had my hair done in awhile. I've got a super-drastic, super-fun hairdo saved up for next time. As soon as I have time and money, it's happening. And hopefully that will change my outlook on everything!

Missing Our Favorite Man

Steven was gone all weekend, and Davie and I spent the beginning of this week at Mimi's . . . so we are anxiously awaiting our reunion with him tonight. Davie has really been showing love for her Daddy, even in his absence. I can't wait to see her with him tonight.

She kissed the phone when he said bye bye over the speakerphone. This morning she ran to the front door chanting and smiling "Dada, Dada" because she heard a noise outside.

Her hair is curly as ever, and I couldn't be happier about it. It is so silly and cute - just like her. She's been taking a giant nap in the afternoon, which has been a nice break for me. Just enough. Although I am really craving a little me time . . . a me time where there is no baby sleeping in the next room. A day out and about with no one to worry about but myself. Can that happen?

Mom! Where's my JanSport?!?

I had my first day of grad school yesterday. I found a parking spot, had all my books, and found both classes fairly easily. UCO is a lot bigger and more crowded than OBU, but not near as big and scary as OU . . . so it's a good compromise for my Master's I think.

I am taking 9 hours this semester. I think my classes are going to be extremely interesting. They all have to do with three fascinating things - counseling/psychology, children, and schools. I am definitely one of the young ones in my classes, but no one seems judgemental about things like that so far.

I feel more than a tad like a slob. All of the students are coming straight from their teaching jobs or wherever they work full-time. They have their triple coat of mascara, knee-high boots, fancy blazers, and such. I waltzed in with one of Steven's fleece pullovers with just a few little baby handprints of oatmeal, Levi's, and Converse tennis shoes. One day, one fine day I will have compelling motivation to dress like an adult again . . . but that day is not today.

Time may change me . . .

I guess I've been busy or something! That and we are lacking a dependable computer.

Well, I am looking forward to a new year of progress - hard work and good changes! I have my first graduate class in ONE WEEK! I am so excited . . . not only for the class, but for the career it gets me to. I can't wait to be a school counselor. I miss working in the public school so much, and I think that specific job will be such a comfortable fit for me. I can't believe I am actually starting. Hallelu! I love my husband for helping me to get this all started! 4 months ago I was having panic attacks in an over-crowded classroom, and now I am spending time with my family and preparing for school! So lucky!

Steven also has quite a bit of work lined up for himself. Most of his days and weekends are spoken for. We've been trying to figure out the best way to maximize our time together . . . and we are still working on that. We have made it a priority and I am excited about that. Down with apathy towards spouses! I am so excited for Steven though and his opportunities that he is pursuing. I love his passion and energy and his desire to see things through to the end and beyond.

Davie is, as usual, delightful. I'm dying to get her into some kind of kindermusik or gymboree class. She would love it so much. I'll try to post some pics soon.