Bragging + Writing = Blogging

What are blogs if not venues to brag on some aspect of your self or family? In my case, at least for today, I will brag on my most immediate family - Steven and Davie and I suppose a little on myself.

Last week I went to Dallas with my lovely sisters and mother for four days. Thanks to Steven I never had to worry about my little girl. I thought about her often, oh yes I did. But I never worried about her. I knew Steven was taking excellent care of her and enjoying every minute. They were in need of a Daddy/Daughter day sans Mommy.

Davie is such an amazing kid. She'll be two this very month. She is starting her first long-term Mother's Day Out program this week. I know she is going to love it.

I've been writing a bit more - songs and stories.

It had been ages upon ages since I wrote a song. I honestly thought maybe the well had run completely dry. I sat down last week with the guitar for longer than 30 minutes for the first time in forever, and out popped a song. It's about "the curse of diplomacy" that I have. Curse, you say? Yes, it does seem to be a curse when dealing with more harsh personalities. It seems difficult to get a word in edgewise, and you just feel like you lose in that case. However, I can't make myself be crazy enough to make myself heard.

The bad thing about being a songwriter is people make assumptions about your writings. The bad thing about being married to a songwriter is people make assumptions about your involvement in the content of your spouse's writings. Honestly, this new song has little to nothing to do with my husband . . . poor guy. Anyways-

I also had the great honor of writing a song with my very own father. I have grown up listening to his lovely raspy voice singing old words and phrases that have grown so close to my heart. It was a great treasure when he got out the guitar on a rare occasion and played for us songs that he had written from years before. I started playing and writing when I was about 16 years old. Dad and I rarely discussed our common abilities. But more recently, he has started writing again . . . and I mean REALLY writing! He and my mom have been trying to finish an album for months now, but he just keeps cranking out songs! Well, one day, he encouraged me to sit down with him and our guitars. He had an idea and some music for a song and wanted my help with the lyrics. It was so neat to share ideas and work up something beautiful. I'll never forget it, ever, ever. It was a very special experience to me, and I know it was to him. I can't imagine what it would or possibly will be one day to write a song or do something that we both love with Davie Lu.

I've also been writing in book-form. I hate to say "I am writing a book", because it just sounds like something I'd say and not finish. However, I am writing a LOT in book-form. I am not going to talk about it much more than that, but it is something I am excited about.

Oh To Be a Turtle

I thought I changed a lot from high school to college. I changed even more from college until now. Not so much physically. Not so much in any way you could see if you aren't having deep conversations with me.

But I've changed--spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and even socially.

The social changes is what I've been thinking about a lot lately, mainly because these changes require a lot more energy right now.

You see, I have this spectacularly social husband. He has countless friends - not acquaintances, but friends. Steven loves to be busy. He loves to be active. He NEEDS it.

I can hardly stand to be in groups of 6 or more. I can hardly stand to be out of my normal situation or place of comfort. It's not that I'm an introvert. I don't know what it is exactly. It's also not really a preference . . . it's a need. To be quite sensational, I have a panic disorder. It's attached to situations of being socially trapped. In situations where I am responsible for other people or they are dependent on my being there for some reason, I get anxious. But it's not only this unhealthy part, it's also that I just genuinely enjoy being by myself. There's no such thing as boredom. I can write and read, therefore there is no such thing as boredom.

Anyways, I'm realizing it's not so much places that I avoid, as situations. Poor Steven. I can't tell you how many "situations" I have made much more complicated for him.

Yesterday, Davie and I went for a walk to the pond to feed the fish. There are three turtles that live in the pond, that fight the fish for our crackers. I watched those turtles and thought how lovely it would be to have the freedom to go anywhere, yet have the safety of a shell to crawl inside if you need to.

On this wonderfully rainy day, I'm just thinking about this for no particular reason.

The Ever-Surprising Davie Lucille

It's funny how I thought as a parent I would see things that were "so me" in my child, or "so Steven" in my child, or even "so Uncle Bob" in my child. But I never imagined how "so Davie" she would be. There is so much of her that is all her own - it doesn't seem to be attached to how we are raising her, or what gene pool she dipped into, it's just Davie.

She is the most adaptable little thing. She has a great sense of what she needs and what she's ready for. I trust her in that way.

Davie has never slept in a big bed. We have always had her in a crib or pack-and-play, wanting to avoid any routine involving sleeping with us. I started wondering about moving her into a big girl bed when she showed us she could climb out of the pack-and-play at Mimi's house. I was just too worried though. I was worried she would roll off and break her arm. I was worried that she wouldn't sleep as well. I was worried that she wouldn't fall asleep as well. So I waited.

Last night she crawled out of the pack-and-play three times. I only put her back twice. The third time I watched her crawl back in on her own. Then I went back up to check on her 30 minutes later and she was fast asleep . . . not in the P&P, but on the big twin bed. She slept the whole night there, or at least I think she did. When I went in to check on her at 7:30 this morning she was playing on the floor quietly.

I was so nervous last night, and I slept nervously. But she did fine.

Everything big that has come up, has been totally her own timing. From sitting up, to rolling over, to walking, to talking, to sleeping in a big bed . . . now for potty-training.

Sympathy?

What is it about human kind that makes us crave sympathy? Do we describe all our troubles in detail to the strangest of strangers to make ourselves look strong? Does it really help us get through anything any better?

No clue. All I know is I want everyone to feel sorry for me right now. Haha.

It is 5:15am, and I have been up for a couple of hours now. I woke up because I was sick and in physical pain. But I think I stayed up because I couldn't stop thinking. At this point the Tylenol is starting to kick in and the heating pad has started to soothe aching muscles, but my brain is on.

I want to go to sleep.

Vacay!!!

This year is our FIVE year anniversary! Woohoo!!! Over the winter we talked about going to New York for an anniversary trip. However, Steven and Davie have been missing out on each other's company too much. So we are going on our fifth annual summer trip to Colorado instead . . . and I COULDN'T BE MORE EXCITED!

I love road trips with Steven. It reminds me why we became best friends 7 years ago. The drive is one of my favorite parts as long as Steven is in the seat next to me. Hopefully having a toddler in the back seat doesn't change this too much. We shall see.

I'll let you all know how the trip goes. We are leaving tomorrow night! HURRAH!

The Paths Thus Far . . .

So far in my semi-adult life I have pursued many career paths (and thought seriously through many many more). I started as a teacher - my first love that I go back to every-so-often. Then I thought I'd pursue a less stressful career as a director's assistant. It turned out to be too tedious. Then I started a Master's program for Library and Information Sciences. I made it to one class before I decided I wasn't even an inkling passionate about that. Just recently I finished my first semester in the Master's program for School Counseling. I truly loved all of my classes and was excited that I finally found something to finish.

Here's the deal though. Oklahoma doesn't have a law right now that requires school counselors. Therefore those jobs are rare, especially right now. Knowing that it was such a narrow degree, I planned on going ahead and getting my LPC. It would take about a year and a half more of school, assuming I didn't need to work full-time. Then LPC jobs can be very stressful with a high burn out rate.

I started thinking about nursing, and how much I have loved taking care of my grandmother. I love caring for people in a concrete way. Steven and I also still have a dream of moving out of state one day. Nursing would be one of the easier relocating jobs to have. I found out that since I have a bachelor's degree already, I could get an associates RN at OCCC in 10 months.

The best part of a career in nursing is the ability to switch in to different fields semi-easily without having to go back to school. As you can see by my track record, this is pretty important to me.

I'm going to go and talk to OCCC on Monday and see what the reality is. Thank the Lord for my supportive, yet practical husband - who although he probably wants to rip his hair out with me sometimes, he listens and dialogues with me about all of my ideas.

Ignorance was bliss . . .

You may need to pray for my soul. I'm not sure.

I'm changing. I'm getting less tolerant - not for the "sinners", but for the "good guys". I just can't stand the close-mindedness. Although I recognize that in a way I am becoming close-minded about those that are close-minded . . . if that makes sense at all. What's stranger is I used to be able to hold my tongue about such things. It's so hard now.

I'm not sure what I think. I'm conflicted about this new me. I definitely was happier when I could write off people as good-hearted and simply misguided. Then again, I just can't stand it when people can't see outside of their own perspective.

I wonder if this has to do with what I'm learning in my classes.