But I've changed--spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and even socially.
The social changes is what I've been thinking about a lot lately, mainly because these changes require a lot more energy right now.
You see, I have this spectacularly social husband. He has countless friends - not acquaintances, but friends. Steven loves to be busy. He loves to be active. He NEEDS it.
I can hardly stand to be in groups of 6 or more. I can hardly stand to be out of my normal situation or place of comfort. It's not that I'm an introvert. I don't know what it is exactly. It's also not really a preference . . . it's a need. To be quite sensational, I have a panic disorder. It's attached to situations of being socially trapped. In situations where I am responsible for other people or they are dependent on my being there for some reason, I get anxious. But it's not only this unhealthy part, it's also that I just genuinely enjoy being by myself. There's no such thing as boredom. I can write and read, therefore there is no such thing as boredom.
Anyways, I'm realizing it's not so much places that I avoid, as situations. Poor Steven. I can't tell you how many "situations" I have made much more complicated for him.
Yesterday, Davie and I went for a walk to the pond to feed the fish. There are three turtles that live in the pond, that fight the fish for our crackers. I watched those turtles and thought how lovely it would be to have the freedom to go anywhere, yet have the safety of a shell to crawl inside if you need to.
On this wonderfully rainy day, I'm just thinking about this for no particular reason.