Friday, January 29, 2010

Old dog. New tricks.

I am really wishing that I was artistically gifted - like real live art. If only!!! I have these ideas in my head that I wish I could paint or create on a canvas, but I don't think it would turn out the way I see it. Stick figures sometimes don't evoke enough emotion.

Mainly I have this idea to turn some of my favorite dreams into art. My sister and I have joked about starting a blog out of my dreams, and she would interpret them.

I have the most amazing dreams! Like they are one of the biggest motivations for me going to sleep. I look forward to them, like I look forward to a good TV show. They are exciting and colorful and random and silly, and if I could have them displayed on my walls, I would live happily ever after.

I'm thinking the best way to go about this is to look into mixed media - I think mixed media art is definitely dream-like. Plus I could get around not being able to draw a darn thing . . . maybe.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

If I could just get my hair done . . .

I don't feel my best. I'm happy, but I can't get out of my head lately. I feel stuck, in limbo. It's like I can see all these things that could happen to make my life better, but I'm not really in charge of any of those things.

I used to dive into changes like my hair was on fire, driven by excitement and the desire to be better. I also happened to not see through very many of those changes, but at least I tried. Now I feel afraid, not of the changes, but of other people's views of me. What if I don't follow through? Will people think I'm a flake? Or will they see it as endearing? Why do I seem to like myself more than other people like me? Why do I have more grace with myself than other people do with me?

I really want to try things - for fun, not with this pressure of everyone watching and waiting to see what happens. I want to take a tap class (even if I quit after a couple of classes). I want to read How-To books (even if I don't do the things they teach me). There are things that is important to see through to the end: school, marriage, parenting, SOME job commitments, etc. But I feel like the fun of life is being sucked out of me. This is especially shattering because that used to be what I was known for - having fun.

I'm hoping that I am feeling this way because I haven't had my hair done in awhile. I've got a super-drastic, super-fun hairdo saved up for next time. As soon as I have time and money, it's happening. And hopefully that will change my outlook on everything!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Missing Our Favorite Man

Steven was gone all weekend, and Davie and I spent the beginning of this week at Mimi's . . . so we are anxiously awaiting our reunion with him tonight. Davie has really been showing love for her Daddy, even in his absence. I can't wait to see her with him tonight.

She kissed the phone when he said bye bye over the speakerphone. This morning she ran to the front door chanting and smiling "Dada, Dada" because she heard a noise outside.

Her hair is curly as ever, and I couldn't be happier about it. It is so silly and cute - just like her. She's been taking a giant nap in the afternoon, which has been a nice break for me. Just enough. Although I am really craving a little me time . . . a me time where there is no baby sleeping in the next room. A day out and about with no one to worry about but myself. Can that happen?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Mom! Where's my JanSport?!?

I had my first day of grad school yesterday. I found a parking spot, had all my books, and found both classes fairly easily. UCO is a lot bigger and more crowded than OBU, but not near as big and scary as OU . . . so it's a good compromise for my Master's I think.

I am taking 9 hours this semester. I think my classes are going to be extremely interesting. They all have to do with three fascinating things - counseling/psychology, children, and schools. I am definitely one of the young ones in my classes, but no one seems judgemental about things like that so far.

I feel more than a tad like a slob. All of the students are coming straight from their teaching jobs or wherever they work full-time. They have their triple coat of mascara, knee-high boots, fancy blazers, and such. I waltzed in with one of Steven's fleece pullovers with just a few little baby handprints of oatmeal, Levi's, and Converse tennis shoes. One day, one fine day I will have compelling motivation to dress like an adult again . . . but that day is not today.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Time may change me . . .

I guess I've been busy or something! That and we are lacking a dependable computer.

Well, I am looking forward to a new year of progress - hard work and good changes! I have my first graduate class in ONE WEEK! I am so excited . . . not only for the class, but for the career it gets me to. I can't wait to be a school counselor. I miss working in the public school so much, and I think that specific job will be such a comfortable fit for me. I can't believe I am actually starting. Hallelu! I love my husband for helping me to get this all started! 4 months ago I was having panic attacks in an over-crowded classroom, and now I am spending time with my family and preparing for school! So lucky!

Steven also has quite a bit of work lined up for himself. Most of his days and weekends are spoken for. We've been trying to figure out the best way to maximize our time together . . . and we are still working on that. We have made it a priority and I am excited about that. Down with apathy towards spouses! I am so excited for Steven though and his opportunities that he is pursuing. I love his passion and energy and his desire to see things through to the end and beyond.

Davie is, as usual, delightful. I'm dying to get her into some kind of kindermusik or gymboree class. She would love it so much. I'll try to post some pics soon.