The Gift of Foresight

I have these crazy vivid dreams. They are usually completely useless, except for the entertainment factor. But last night I had an incredibly compelling dream. It was like all the things that I could call a "curse" or an annoyance in my life I had the option to put up in flames. I had the matches in my hand, it was all planned out. I lit the match and threw it into my house. In my dream I remember thinking this was a good idea. It would be cleansing to be free of all these material things I am supposed to take care of. All that would be left would be me and my loved ones. We could start over. However, as soon as the flames started crawling up the outsides of the house, I started to feel sick. I started to cry. Not necessarily for the loss of these material things, but because I was destroying things . . . all by myself. It wasn't therapeutic, it was wrong. I remember thinking that I would do anything to take it back.

Today it was like I was seeing things through new eyes. We are honestly honored to be able to have two cars to take us where we need to go . . . even if the payments are annoying. We are honored to have this charming little house that Davie has been so happy in even if it is not in our favorite neighborhood. I am honored to have a husband whose only dissatisfaction with me comes from wanting to be closer to me.

Today in an act of symbolism and curiosity, I burned a piece of paper. As I watched it burn I felt that tightness in my chest and the nausea in my stomach, just imagining if my dream last night had been a reality. I reminded myself that this was just a piece of paper. I have a new thankfulness for the little and big blessings all over my life.

I am so thankful for that horrible dream last night. It feels like since I woke up I was given a second chance.