Til Death Do Us Part?

I found a bunch of old songs I had written in college and a little after. Wow. I was a mess. It's like reading through my diary. Anyway, I found this specific song that I had written in the first year that Steven and I were married. I remember playing it for Steven in our living room and really thinking this was the beginning of the end for us. We were realizing how different we were from each other, and from what we thought the other one would be. It seemed like we wanted so very different things. I'm not sure specifically what we did to stay together. But we did. And I am glad. So glad. Today there are still echoes of that first year. Steven wants to go go go, I want to stay stay stay. Steven has expectations A, B, and C . . . and I have expectations X, Y, and Z. But ultimately we are at least on one page that is the same . . . we want to be together, and that makes all the difference.

I have some distant friends that have gotten a divorce. It seemed to be a mutual and calm decision. They wanted different things. They didn't want to hold each other back from achieving those things, so they let each other go. On one hand, I understand that feeling. On the other hand, I wonder what they cheated each other out of by separating themselves. Anyways, it reminded me of this song I wrote.

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til death do us part

but how long, how far?

guess you don't think about those things

when you are sampling the cake, and ya got a diamond ring

here we are just a few months later

and you feel like we are just falling apart

well you got dreams, and i got things that i could be doing now

young love is so short-lived

if you do not make it grow

we cannot be one if

we can't let each other go

the bitter taste of second and third loves

like day old coffee in a new white mug

the dull ache of being resented

these are the sights and sounds of an everlasting love?

here we are, how did we get here

we followed all the plans and the wisdom of the age

discontent with others dreams

my desires can't be heard and can't be seen

so spread your wings and go where you want to

i'll let you know what i need

we gotta go, we gotta try it

these are hungers we can't refuse to feed

cause i refuse to realize later

when i'm 75 laying in my bed

that i did not do all that i could and all that i wanted

with my life, and i can't blame you

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See? A mess. Wow.