Friday, April 29, 2011

Til Death Do Us Part?

I found a bunch of old songs I had written in college and a little after. Wow. I was a mess. It's like reading through my diary. Anyway, I found this specific song that I had written in the first year that Steven and I were married. I remember playing it for Steven in our living room and really thinking this was the beginning of the end for us. We were realizing how different we were from each other, and from what we thought the other one would be. It seemed like we wanted so very different things. I'm not sure specifically what we did to stay together. But we did. And I am glad. So glad. Today there are still echoes of that first year. Steven wants to go go go, I want to stay stay stay. Steven has expectations A, B, and C . . . and I have expectations X, Y, and Z. But ultimately we are at least on one page that is the same . . . we want to be together, and that makes all the difference.

I have some distant friends that have gotten a divorce. It seemed to be a mutual and calm decision. They wanted different things. They didn't want to hold each other back from achieving those things, so they let each other go. On one hand, I understand that feeling. On the other hand, I wonder what they cheated each other out of by separating themselves. Anyways, it reminded me of this song I wrote.

til death do us part
but how long, how far?
guess you don't think about those things
when you are sampling the cake, and ya got a diamond ring
here we are just a few months later
and you feel like we are just falling apart
well you got dreams, and i got things that i could be doing now

young love is so short-lived
if you do not make it grow
we cannot be one if
we can't let each other go

the bitter taste of second and third loves
like day old coffee in a new white mug
the dull ache of being resented
these are the sights and sounds of an everlasting love?
here we are, how did we get here
we followed all the plans and the wisdom of the age
discontent with others dreams
my desires can't be heard and can't be seen

so spread your wings and go where you want to
i'll let you know what i need
we gotta go, we gotta try it
these are hungers we can't refuse to feed
cause i refuse to realize later
when i'm 75 laying in my bed
that i did not do all that i could and all that i wanted
with my life, and i can't blame you

See? A mess. Wow.

1 comment:

Meredith - proud mom of THREE! said...

Marriage is one of the hardest things I have ever done. So glad you guys are finding a way to keep it going. I am sure you are an inspiration to lots of people who have lost hope.