Sunday, September 1, 2013

before the (porcelain) throne

I really want to be able to put a positive spin on this post, but I'm just not sure I can do that honestly. It's been a weird couple of weeks. Even since my last post - it's gotten weirder. I've been waking up consistently between 2-5am every night (Ambien or no Ambien). I started dry heaving every morning for a week, which just within the last 3 days turned into vomiting. I've still had almost no appetite, and have probably lost close to 10 pounds (not a good thing for me).

I thought that this might be side effects from the Cymbalta I started last week, but I've been off of it for 4-5 days. Maybe it is just plain ole anxiety - these things aren't unheard of. But I got my hopes up last night thinking it was GERD or something involving acid reflux. It fit perfectly. Decreased appetite and weight loss - check. Fullness in the throat - check. Vomiting on an empty stomach without nausea - check. So last night I ate some cereal before bed, tried to sleep at a 45 degree angle all night, and took a Zantac before bed. But I woke up at 2am - vomited. Woke up at 6am - vomited. Woke up at 9am - vomited. WHAT IS UP?! I guess it could still be GERD, or a combination of GERD and anxiety - who knows. One thing I know is that I'm not pregnant.

I have some time off this week, and there are many things I should be working on - but I'm SO tired. I just want this figured out. I feel extremely guilty for being so useless for so long. My husband is having to pick up some major slack. My daughter is probably wondering why I'm no fun.

I guess the silver lining is I hardly have time or energy to be anxious.

I have still found comfort in God and for that I am extremely grateful.

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