Thursday, January 13, 2011

How I Roll

You should know that I title my posts before I write anything, and sometimes before I even know what I'm going to write about. They pop into my head, and I realize this can be misleading . . . but I also realize you probably don't care.

I am proud of myself. I want to tell you why . . . therapeutically.

  • I had a great time on Steven's birthday trip. I really enjoyed myself and the people I was with. I did not have any scary panic moments. (Okay, there was a few hours of anxiety on the drive home where I realized I had left my Xanax in Vegas, but I got through it without my Xanax . . . obviously).
  • To elaborate on the previous bullet point, I feel like I pushed my comfort zone out, instead of letting it press in on me. I really am so grateful to Steven for encouraging me in that. He is a wise 30 year old soul.
  • When faced with the kind of adversity that would usually make me change my plans for the more convenient path, I stepped up and worked harder to give myself the opportunity to be accepted or denied by OU's PA program. You see, I thought I only had one class left of prerequisites . . . and that was a hassle in and of itself because I couldn't find the darn class anywhere! But it turns out I have 4 classes to take this semester. This is when average Kinsey would say "It's not meant to be". But no! I spent hours upon hours hunting down these classes and figuring out my schedule, just for the chance to be in the program.
  • I had my PA interview today. It went well. Hopefully it went better than at least 104 other applicant's interviews, but we'll see. There was a few moments of panic, and honestly I borrowed a Xanax from my sister just in case . . . but I didn't need it after all. Once I got into the room, I was my plain ole self, and that was just fine with me. If my lack of completed prerequisites scare them out of a position in the program for me, then I will keep moving in a productive direction, and see that it was an honor to be chosen for an interview.
  • Right now in life, I feel happy. I feel fulfilled.
Here is a weird realization I've had recently. I am 99% sure I don't want to have another child. I don't know if this comes out of fear or just being fulfilled, but I'm pretty darn sure I do not want to go through the hormonal shifts of pregnancy. It's like Russian roulette in my mind of whether you'll come out mentally in one piece. I got lucky with Davie. I don't know if I should play again. Besides Steven and I have talked a lot about wanting to be foster parents or adopting. Anyways, that was random. Well, that's just how I roll.

See how I tied that in. Spontaneous genius.

No comments: