february is for the birds

I have not been digging February this year.  It has been a bad month.  

Notice my last post was at the beginning of this month.

I have had this lingering feeling of overwhelm-ment.  I felt like I had 50 things on my to-do list everyday, and only get to 3 of them.  Those 3 are taking care of Davie, doing my job, and breathing.  Oh, and I should mention, when I say taking care of Davie, I mean what we can fit in.  Many days we both go without bathing.  Anyways, I don't want to blame this all on motherhood.  That's just a piece of the pie.  My job takes up way too much time, thought, and effort for this stage of life.  I HAVE, however, made sure that the time I spent with Davie has been enjoyable!  

I am weary of talking about the future and what jobs we will have and how we will do this and that.  Oy.  

This last week I have been sick.  Not deathly ill . . . just enough to be annoyed and miserable and unpleasant with company.  I think this turns off any nurturing instinct that Steven might have had to begin with.  

The worst thing about this month is the news I got this week about my best friend Lisa.  They found a tumor in her brain.  After 5 days now, it seems like this is still all they know.  They should be finding out next week if it is malignant and then scheduling her surgery.  It seems selfish for me to make this paragraph about me after that news, but I can't imagine how she is feeling.  All I know is that I am devastated.  It is hard to see someone you love that is usually so full of life and energy and health, all of a sudden take a blow like this. 

I am ready for some good news, especially regarding Lisa, and I am praying that March brings joy when it arrives.