Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Reality Cookies

My side hurts from laughing. My sister Kristen came over to eat Chinese with me tonight at my grandma's. She opened up a fortune cookie that said, "Keep your feet on the ground even though friends flatter you." We laughed at how NOT uplifting that was. "When people say nice things about you, don't believe them. They're not true." Hahaha. So then we thought what a funny idea it would be to have "Reality Cookies" instead of Fortune Cookies. We started to come up with one or two ideas, and before you know it we couldn't write fast enough. It was strange how easy it was, haha. The only thing that would've made it better is if my other sister Kacey had been there. No doubt she would've come up with some truly hilarious realities.

What's your reality?

You are about to meet a perfectly average person.

Stop trying. It's over.

Something mundane is ahead.

Something you lost will stay lost.

The night is dark. Count on it.

You will find new outlets for creative ability. Sadly, you have none.

It's too late.

Not that shirt. Seriously, it's too small.

You are about to meet someone who will hurt you horribly, but you won't know until it's too late.

One of your friends is talking bad about you right now.

The path ahead will end when you die.

Ask for fame, riches, and fortune. Go on, ask.

A secret admirer will soon creep you out.

Some say a warm smile is testimony of a generous nature, but remember babies fart-smile.

If you continually give, people will start to call you a doormat behind your back.

If you set your goals too high, you won't reach them.

You will soon be invited to a 7 year olds birthday party.

You will spend old age in incredible boredom.

You will meet a short, fair, average acquaintance.

Love and laughter is great medicine . . . also, Zoloft.

Love is like wildflowers. It is often found in the most unlikely places . . . also, it dies.

None of the secrets of success will work if you are a loser.

The first step to better times is to go on a diet.

It doesn't matter.

The secret of getting ahead is cheating.

Your past success will be overshadowed by someone else's success . . . in bed.

You are very expressive in words, act, and feelings . . . and people hate that about you.

You should be able to undertake and complete anything, but you never do.

You're okay. Everyone thinks so.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

Yes, yes, and yes. I LOVE it.